It hadn't talked to him in years. I hadn't seen him in years. But I had thought about him every day. Every moment. It was like he was always there. Even if I hadn't seen him or met him for 10 years, I still remember everything about him. And now that he was in front of me, it felt like we were never apart.
I also remember the day we met. I had enrolled in an economics course at a college. He was studying mathematics there and was a couple of years senior to me. He was sitting in the canteen with his friends when I walked in for a cup of tea. I didn't have change and was about to cancel my order when he offered to pay for the tea. I tried to refuse but he insisted. And I am glad he did. Because that was the beginning of a beautiful relationship that lasted almost 12 years. Until he decided to go away.
I remember the day when we got married. It was a simple wedding. Just our close family and friends. We stepped into a new world together with dreamy eyes and lots of hope. Like all other newlyweds, we couldn't stay away from each other. Friends and family kept on inviting us for dinners and outings but we were more than enough for each other. We could spend hours and hours talking about random things. Weather, politics, childhood memories, office gossip, future plans, our dreams…there was no end to it. There was a special game we played. We looked at people around us and imagined what they were saying. You know, like subtitles. We didn't know them, but it was fun to imagine the words coming out of their mouths.
And then the signs appeared. Slowly. Minute signs of conflict and disagreement. We ignored the first signs. It happens…right? When you are in a relationship, you want to ignore some things even when you don't like them because the bigger picture is pretty. But slowly, the signs became stronger. More frequent and more intense.
“How many times should I ask you to do this?” “How come you are always busy to take my call?” “ You always want to spend time with your friends on weekends. I am all alone here.” “Why didn't you tell me you will not be home for dinner? I was waiting.” “I don't like your tone.” “ I don't like your face.”
Stomping out of the house. Staying out late. Sleeping on the couch. Not talking to each other for days at a stretch. We hadn't even celebrated our tenth anniversary yet, and we couldn't stand each other. But 10 years looked like a lifetime then. Every day was a struggle.
I remember that day very clearly. Why wouldn't I? I have relived it so many times. Was it my fault? I have questioned myself so many times. He was so angry. I think he was already under some stress at the office. We had stopped sharing anything with each other by then so I don't know for sure. I think he was. But I was also so furious that I couldn't care less.
It was something very insignificant that started the fight that day. There was a party at his office and everyone had to bring their spouses or partners. I didn't want to go. He wanted me to pretend for one evening that everything was ok. I was stubborn. When I thought about it later, I could have gone. It wasn't like I was busy or something. I was going to spend the evening at home, in front of the TV. But I didn't want to agree to his wish. I couldn't let him win.
He tried convincing me for some time. But my stubbornness soon wore him down.
“Fine. Suit yourself.”
He said and walked out. I didn't realize then that it would be the last time he was walking out of that door. I ate my pasta in front of the TV, watched some meaningless web series and went to bed at midnight.
It was around 3 AM when my mobile rang. It was an unknown number. I silenced the ring and went back to sleep. Another pervert drunk dialing random numbers, I thought. But it rang again. Something in my stomach churned. I sat up and answered the call. “Hello?”
“Hello! I am calling from the police station. I think you should come down to MG Road immediately. Someone has met with an accident. He gave us your number.” A man at the other end of the phone spoke fast and hung up as soon as I said ok.
“OK.” That's all I could say. I was finding my words. Met with an accident? Who? Did he hit someone? He was definitely drinking. How was he? He gave my number to the police so he should be ok. But then why didn't he call me? I don't understand.
I tried calling his number. It was out of network. I need to move now. I jumped out of bed, picked up my purse, and stormed out of the house. I drove as fast as I could. My heart was pounding. I reached the location, parked my car just before the barricades, and ran toward the ambulance. That's where he should be.
I froze. There was a stretcher outside the ambulance. And a white blood-stained sheet covered the body. I couldn't see the face. A doctor was talking to the policeman who saw me and started walking in my direction.
“Are you Mrs. Raman?”. He continued when I nodded. “ I am sorry. Your husband met with a brutal accident. He couldn't survive the impact. He gave your number to one of the passers-by before ……you know. I am sorry.”
Everything after that is a blur for me. I was detached from most of it. The family took care of everything. I was seething at myself. I could have gone with him that evening.
Since then, every day I had been telling myself that it was my fault. And here I was today. Standing in front of him again. He was smiling at me. There was no anger on his face. Just a calm and pure glow.
“Hi. I was waiting for you.” He said as he held out his hand for me. I smiled at him and gave my hand in his.
“I am sorry I took so much time.” I forgot all the anger. I was so happy to see him again. And this time, this reunion was truly forever. There were no mortal affairs that could take us away from each other. Not even death. We had crossed that bridge.
He took my hand gently and kissed my forehead. “Let's go”, he said. We started walking toward the horizon.
35-year-old woman jumps off her 8th-floor balcony after struggling through years of depression.
I also remember the day we met. I had enrolled in an economics course at a college. He was studying mathematics there and was a couple of years senior to me. He was sitting in the canteen with his friends when I walked in for a cup of tea. I didn't have change and was about to cancel my order when he offered to pay for the tea. I tried to refuse but he insisted. And I am glad he did. Because that was the beginning of a beautiful relationship that lasted almost 12 years. Until he decided to go away.
I remember the day when we got married. It was a simple wedding. Just our close family and friends. We stepped into a new world together with dreamy eyes and lots of hope. Like all other newlyweds, we couldn't stay away from each other. Friends and family kept on inviting us for dinners and outings but we were more than enough for each other. We could spend hours and hours talking about random things. Weather, politics, childhood memories, office gossip, future plans, our dreams…there was no end to it. There was a special game we played. We looked at people around us and imagined what they were saying. You know, like subtitles. We didn't know them, but it was fun to imagine the words coming out of their mouths.
And then the signs appeared. Slowly. Minute signs of conflict and disagreement. We ignored the first signs. It happens…right? When you are in a relationship, you want to ignore some things even when you don't like them because the bigger picture is pretty. But slowly, the signs became stronger. More frequent and more intense.
“How many times should I ask you to do this?” “How come you are always busy to take my call?” “ You always want to spend time with your friends on weekends. I am all alone here.” “Why didn't you tell me you will not be home for dinner? I was waiting.” “I don't like your tone.” “ I don't like your face.”
Stomping out of the house. Staying out late. Sleeping on the couch. Not talking to each other for days at a stretch. We hadn't even celebrated our tenth anniversary yet, and we couldn't stand each other. But 10 years looked like a lifetime then. Every day was a struggle.
I remember that day very clearly. Why wouldn't I? I have relived it so many times. Was it my fault? I have questioned myself so many times. He was so angry. I think he was already under some stress at the office. We had stopped sharing anything with each other by then so I don't know for sure. I think he was. But I was also so furious that I couldn't care less.
It was something very insignificant that started the fight that day. There was a party at his office and everyone had to bring their spouses or partners. I didn't want to go. He wanted me to pretend for one evening that everything was ok. I was stubborn. When I thought about it later, I could have gone. It wasn't like I was busy or something. I was going to spend the evening at home, in front of the TV. But I didn't want to agree to his wish. I couldn't let him win.
He tried convincing me for some time. But my stubbornness soon wore him down.
“Fine. Suit yourself.”
He said and walked out. I didn't realize then that it would be the last time he was walking out of that door. I ate my pasta in front of the TV, watched some meaningless web series and went to bed at midnight.
It was around 3 AM when my mobile rang. It was an unknown number. I silenced the ring and went back to sleep. Another pervert drunk dialing random numbers, I thought. But it rang again. Something in my stomach churned. I sat up and answered the call. “Hello?”
“Hello! I am calling from the police station. I think you should come down to MG Road immediately. Someone has met with an accident. He gave us your number.” A man at the other end of the phone spoke fast and hung up as soon as I said ok.
“OK.” That's all I could say. I was finding my words. Met with an accident? Who? Did he hit someone? He was definitely drinking. How was he? He gave my number to the police so he should be ok. But then why didn't he call me? I don't understand.
I tried calling his number. It was out of network. I need to move now. I jumped out of bed, picked up my purse, and stormed out of the house. I drove as fast as I could. My heart was pounding. I reached the location, parked my car just before the barricades, and ran toward the ambulance. That's where he should be.
I froze. There was a stretcher outside the ambulance. And a white blood-stained sheet covered the body. I couldn't see the face. A doctor was talking to the policeman who saw me and started walking in my direction.
“Are you Mrs. Raman?”. He continued when I nodded. “ I am sorry. Your husband met with a brutal accident. He couldn't survive the impact. He gave your number to one of the passers-by before ……you know. I am sorry.”
Everything after that is a blur for me. I was detached from most of it. The family took care of everything. I was seething at myself. I could have gone with him that evening.
Since then, every day I had been telling myself that it was my fault. And here I was today. Standing in front of him again. He was smiling at me. There was no anger on his face. Just a calm and pure glow.
“Hi. I was waiting for you.” He said as he held out his hand for me. I smiled at him and gave my hand in his.
“I am sorry I took so much time.” I forgot all the anger. I was so happy to see him again. And this time, this reunion was truly forever. There were no mortal affairs that could take us away from each other. Not even death. We had crossed that bridge.
He took my hand gently and kissed my forehead. “Let's go”, he said. We started walking toward the horizon.
35-year-old woman jumps off her 8th-floor balcony after struggling through years of depression.
The headline in the newspapers read the next day.
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